“today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten” Natasha Bedingfield
Omg! I really needed to hear this today. I was just finishing up some work and the most random memory popped into my head. I was working in a hotel (housekeeping) while I was in college, oh back in the early 2000’s. I used to blare her music in my ears on the old disk player as I cleaned dirty bathrooms and picked up used linen! But I blocked it out with this music!
I loved Natasha’s music, but I never really appreciated the lyrics. In my last post I wrote about my unusual anxieties (I have loads!), but I was feeling particularly vulnerable yesterday. I’m new here, and I spent most of yesterday reading posts on anxiety and it really helped me. All the posts that I came across that touched on this subject so resonated with me, there are people out there like me but write about anxiety in a more beautiful way. Sometimes I am very blunt with my thoughts and to see how others manage and cope with their anxieties so beautifully is just incredible. And there’s so so many of us facing anxiety everyday.
I worry about my son everyday. He makes up about 60% of my anxieties.I put work aside or any chance of finding a career to stay at home and help my son in every way I could possible. I attended every parent group, I didn’t miss any appointments, speech and language therapy, occupational therapy, psychology appointments, physiotherapy, play therapy and food therapy. I attended every single one. I studied special needs assisting from home so I could try and understand his world and support him better. I am grateful I could do all of this, so grateful for every opportunity to help him be the best version of himself and grateful that I could be a better mother. But…
And I feel so selfish for this, but I miss myself! I used to be a comedian (not professionally!) But I used to have the best times, out with friends, partying just having amazing times. I know we all must grow up and that’s life. I had my son when I was 26. I feel that my life kinda stopped around then. I love my family but I just miss myself, not the partying and care free life, but I miss the way my brain used to think. My brain just works differently now.
I do have all these anxieties and issues and I know it doesn’t read like it but I’m actually really happy. I think you need to find that thing that just makes you smile and today for me it was a memory from my college days and a song!
Thank you Natasha Bedingfield!
Playing ‘pocket full of sunshine’ now on my alexa while I sign off, just play it its such a feel good song!
Fresh cup on the way…